Monday, February 21, 2011

Feel like a grown up

Somehow, lately I feel like a grown up. A lady, a wise sister, an executive secretary, an expert Jakartanaise. Such a rare thing in my life. As a grown up hater, I always describe myself as "une fille qui n'aime et ne veut pas devenir adulte." Well, it's just because in my entire life the adults never make their self as a good role model. I often adore kids who act much wiser than those who describe their self as an adult.

But life start to open a new chapter for me, I guess. Lately I can see things from several point of view, where everything seems clearer to see, to be understood. I might say that the adults stand in a circle, where they don't have an angle to choose. They have to see, hear and analyze from every side. And children, they can easily choose one side in a circle and put that as an angle. So they can simply see, hear and analyze things from their side. I'm not saying that the adults always see things more complicated than the children do, but yes, somehow it looks like that. They seem to loose their capacity in simplify things. Is this life is truly simple or its the childhood who has the true simplicity?

As for me, I'm loosing my simplicity in seeing things. Well that I know for sure. I don't know when it has begun, but I know that nothing's simple is left. Even how hard I try to see them just like the way they are, another things suddenly shadowing and the focus seem harder to be found. I often feel jealous to them, kids who still have purity and that clear shiny eyes.

But despite that complexity we have, the adults, another good things actually come at the same time. A new peaceful feeling and a big confidence to conquer this life, wiser. Why do I choose "wiser", because I think the new spirit has difference from the precedent. It contents calmness, readiness, and an invisible well-preparedness.

New feelings, hopefully will bring me to a brighter new windows. Hello, sunshine! Here I come, a new grown up! ;)

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Where do you hide my appetite?

Hello you all there? Everything's good? Same here!
No, I mean, not really. I'm having a strange situation here.
What's about? My appetite.
I'm kinda loosing it, lately.
So weird, since it never happened before. Except when my body is sick.
But that's a common exceptional condition, right? Everybody might lose their appetite when they're unhealthy.

I'm in a well condition now; my body is in its good performance, my mood is in love with this life, and my heart is filled with happiness. But then, why o why, my appetite has just blown away?
Karien said, a friend of mine, maybe I just feel bored to eat. Heeehhh?? What an answer, I said. She explained that it happens sometimes. Our body rejects to do the same thing over and over again. That doesn't sound make sense to me, I eat for the whole of my life, rice, rice, rice and rice. But I still love to eat it! Hehehe..

But Karien can be right. No one can exactly understand what our body has in its mind. My dear body, is it true? What is happening to you? Should I have a culinary traveling? Maybe it can be a refreshment to you, to me also, to us. Let's just try!

Hhhmm... by the way, I guess we should wait for a week. Ca va? It's just, my payment day will be next week. Lol! I'm so sorry.. Meja is always right! Coz it's all about the money! It's all about the dam dam daradamdam...


Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Buah jatuh jauh dari pohonnya

Memang sebagian besar buah jatuh tak jauh dari pohonnya.

Tapi aku, selepas jatuh berusaha menggelinding sekuat tenaga.

Menggelinding dan terus menggelinding sejauh mungkin.

Dan aku, sesekali menatap ke belakang meratapi pohonku.


Memang sebagian besar buah berusaha tampil menarik menggoda.

Tapi aku, selalu begini adanya.

Pir membungkus dirinya dengan busa bak Agnes Monica, cimpedak melumuri dirinya dengan wewangian fana, bahkan semangka menyuntik dirinya bak Kurt Cobain saja.

Dan aku, merasa cukup bebersih diri dan berpose rapih.


Memang sebagian besar buah berharap berasal dari pohon yang berbeda.

Tapi aku, tak pernah menyesali akar tempatku menghirup air dan saripati.

Kweni mengaku harum manis, lokam bilang dari medan, bali bilang dia adalah pondoh.

Dan aku, dengan lantang ”buah yang terbuang.”


Memang sebagian besar buah palsu dapat menipu pembelinya.

Tapi aku bukan kaum yang putus asa hingga harus banting harga.

Mereka rela dibelah hingga bisa diicip dan diintip meski lalat bisa ikut serta menikmatinya.

Dan aku, ”tak perlu kau khawatir karena apa yang kau bayar itu lah yang akau kau dapatkan.”


Memang sebagian besar buah merasa lebih berharga dari yang lainnya.

Tapi aku, selalu merasa luar biasa istimewa.

Berasal dari pohon yang sehat, jatuh di rumput yang segar, hingga rasa dan harga pastilah hebat.

Dan aku, meski parasit dan penyakit menggerogoti pohonku, aku jatuh di saat yang tepat, menggelinding jauh menghindari ranting, sisa kompos dan tetesan getah.


Memang sebagian besar buah semok menggoda.

Tapi aku, sehat dan perkasa.

Buat apa menggoda kalau tak tahan bergoncang berdesakan di peti kayu?

Dan aku, tak akan menjadi bonyok semudah itu meski kujalani perjalanan dari satu peti ke peti dan peti.


Karena ku, buah yang selalu menggelinding jauh, sekuat tenaga.

Menjauhi pohonku yang tak pernah kusangkal keberadaannya.

Jadi berhentilah merendahkanku hanya karena kau berasal dari pohon yang indah.

Karena sungguh, pohon indah tak selalu menghasilkan buah yang indah juga.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Rongga untuk/dari Ade


Tak terbayang jadi Bunda
Tak terbayang jadi kakak-kakaknya
Tak terbayang jadi Ayah
Tak terbayang jadi Ryan, sahabatnya

Ade, Subhanallah.
Ada rasa baru merasuk di kalbu
Menusuk melubangi hati; kecil-kecil namun perih.

Ade, Subhanallah.
Ada lembar baru terbuka tak berjudul
Menganga lebar tak terduga, di dada.

Ade, Subhanallah.
Baik-baik lah di sana
Janji ya sama Mbak Dega.

Ade, Subhanallah.
Semoga tiap tetes air mata tak berarti perih untukmu
Semoga tiap sesak di dada tak berarti sesal bagimu
Semoga tiap senyum akan kenangan berarti sejuk untukmu
Semoga tiap kata dalam doa berarti damai bagimu

Insya Allah.